I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
