Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
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