I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
