we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
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