Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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