We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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