he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
