final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
