Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
