How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Couch. On fire.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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