Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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