Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
