Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize