***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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