the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
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I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
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I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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