And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
