I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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