Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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