i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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