he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
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