well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
