my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize