I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
