everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Randomize
