I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
