How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize