he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
