your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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