i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
