I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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