Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
