i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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