I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Lo siento on account of my penis...
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
