Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
