In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
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