Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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