he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
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Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
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Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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