i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
