you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
