drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
