Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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