it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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