Soap is not a condiment
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
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