I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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