i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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