do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
