Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
