yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
