Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Randomize
