Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Randomize