We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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