I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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