I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
