was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
