so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
