so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
