i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
