just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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