he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
