please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
