watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
