You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
