You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
