The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
