your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
