i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
