The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
