I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
