Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
