I wish they made helmets for livers.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
