I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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