He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize